Episode 135: This week ImaNewbie brings you an exclusive look at some startling footage uncovered after the first Survivor TV series aired. Now everyone who watched the first series knows that it all started with 16 contestants, right? WRONG! As the following footage will prove there was actually a seventeenth contestant, but this first show was never aired! Why? Who knows? I guess that's just life in the sordid, sensationalistic, exploitive world of "Reality TV programming". Well never fear, for ImaNewbie has secretly obtained this footage and now, without further ado presents: "SURVIVOR - The Lost Episode!"
As this episode opens, ImaNewbie has just received
some fantastic news. A scroll announcing that he has
been chosen to participate in Survivor! WooHoo!
Needless to say ImaNewbie rushes down to the docks to
meet with none other than "Jeffy Proboscis" the host
of Survivor. I just can't say enough about Jeffy. I mean
who wouldn't be impressed by his rumpled khaki look, that
perfect wind and weather-proof hairdo, that self-serving
smirk that says "gawd, I can't wait till the next Tribal
Council so I can pose and strut dramatically as I shatter
someone's hopes and dreams in front of millions of
people." ... but I digress.
If you are one of the seven people that did not spend
thirteen weeks glued to the box waiting for your next
Survivor fix, then you probably won't recognize the
characters in the next three frames. The rest of
the human race shouldn't have too much trouble.
Having met his fellow castaways, Ima boards the ship that will
take them to the mysterious island of Polo Tigger, or Boola
Boola or whatever the hell it was called. They have not long set
sail when Jeffy realizes he has made a terrible mistake. How
could that ever of happened?(too long in front of the mirror
preening when you should have been concentrating on the
logistics of the show, Jeffy?). Anyway, as it turns out Jeffy,
being a whiz at math, in addition to being poster boy for
"Rumpled, Rugged-Look Magazine", has just figured out that
when they divide into the Tacky and Pagoof tribes, seventeen
doesn't divide evenly. He quickly devises a plan.
*** Insert spellbinding Tribal Council Music here ***
Jeffy calls for the vote!
Well, you had to know that was going to happen. Anyway,
ImaNewbie sets out on a raft to find land. Will his
supplies hold out? Will he be rescued? Read on...
Well, Ima didn't do too well on Survivor. But then, there is always Temptation Island, the Mole, Shipwrecked, and judging by the ratings these shows are getting, probably about a hundred more coming soon that he can try out for... Stay 'tooned!